i’m fine, thanks. 

who knows how to feel?

who knows how to deal?

who is made to kill?

i just reach higher.

permanent resident in the sky.

another motherfucker cannot

tell me how to be.

mother earth is dying.

there is no denying.

why am i not crying?

the spirit and quantum

makes me see higher 

than than my eyes.

i take things day to day.

pray with every breath.

prepare for a reality 

of this world with nothing left. 

i say this all with love.

are you fine?

i’m fine.

may / 

Cooler than a cucumber / Flipped the pillow though / But there’s no need / Hands shaking when you touch there / You keep going / Windows run with water drops / Eyes are the windows to the soul / It’s a sun shower / Might not have noticed / On the other side of those 4 limbs / Haven’t seen you for some time / Was only warming up.
///
He said I smelled like earth / He asked where I was from / He felt Atlanta or Harlem. 

You’re busy complaining about HER/HIM. Have you asked yourself “Am I a fuckboi/gurl?”

Common FUCKBOI/GURL traits include:

1. THIRST
2. KEEPING IT ANYTHING LESS THAN 100
3. KNOWING YOU AINT SHIT BUT MAKING EXCUSES TO PACIFY YOUR LACK OF GROWTH
4. FETISHIZING WHEN YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THERE IS NO COMPATIBILITY BUT FORCING A CONNECTION WHEN YOU KNOW ITS NOT ON SOME REAL SHIT & LATER BEING BITTER WHEN EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT MET
5. LEAVING MESSAGES ON READ WHEN YOU HAD PLANS TO MEET UP
6. LEAVING MESSAGES ON READ WHEN YOU HAD PLANS TO MEET UP & THEN TRYING TO MAKE THAT UP WITH SOME D OR P (sex in this case is beyond basic as fuck and glorification of sex in this case is a reflection of your mentality)
7. ALLOWING SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOW AND STILL RUNNING BACK TO THEM REPEATEDLY (being weak also makes YOU a fuckboi/gurl – that victim mentality doesn’t change shit)
8. THINKING THAT BECAUSE SOMEONE DOES BASIC SHIT FOR YOU THAT THEY ARE SPECIAL (again, low self worth doesn’t make you exempt from being involved in the fuckery)
9. USING THE BASIC SHIT THAT SOMEONE DOES FOR YOU AS A JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR FEELINGS (see trait 1 – this is also thirst)
10. FEEDING YOUR OWN MANIPULATION (for example when you know someone is running game and you act like you don’t know what’s up and then later blame them for trying you)

I say all this with love, so don’t feel offended if you identify with any of these – just don’t complain to me either because I might not have the energy to hear about your sub par love life when we both know that you’re not out here levitating on the fuckery. This is no shade – this is about self responsibility, self awareness, self improvement, and accountability. We gotta do better and stop claiming victim & pointing fingers. Let us all enter Super Saiyan Savage mode.

tokyo truth

https://www.gofundme.com/tokyotruth

i constantly find myself unlearning habits that cultivate fear so i can learn how to be more fearless. it can be overwhelming because it happens so often for me. i have such a strong dislike for fear that i find myself often going to extremes just to feel inhibited. often times, the universe puts me in such a position that the only way out is to overcome the fear. that time is now.

i moved overseas to bangkok in 2013. i believe that was my first tangible step of being out of my comfort zone spatially. little did i know at the time, it was a baby step in the grand scheme of it all. there were many more steps ahead on my journey to liberation.

another step has lead me here with this decision.

i realized in december of last year that i was ready to move to japan. interestingly, tokyo has always been the dream city for me when i envisioned myself living abroad. its been that way since i was a teenager. there’s no denying the joy i have felt living in bangkok but i owe it to myself to keep pushing for what i strongly desire and what i can confidently say i deserve. although i know tokyo will have its ups and downs, there is a certain magic there that i want to become engulfed in.

owning my dream and believing in it, despite the naysayers, despite the comfort of my life in bangkok, despite the beautiful people i know here, despite the talented people i can create with here, has been a challenge. yet, its been easier than writing this. writing this has been difficult. posting this will be even more difficult. re-posting this will probably be an easier process. that ease in itself is an achievement for me, regardless of what the results of this campaign are.

honestly though, i need support (flight, startup costs). its been seemingly impossible saving for the cost of living in japan, earning baht, living off of music and creativity… i probably should have started this whole entry with the headline “I NEED SUPPORT” in 72 pt. font, because that the truth. thats what i need. also, i have realized that there are somethings that structurally hold individuals back, such as lack of resources, but much of what we are afraid of is inner.

i was so afraid to make my need public. i wasn’t brought up thinking it was strong to ask for help. being self-made was honorable. sharing your challenges was considered burdensome. i have felt ashamed that i couldn’t financially handle this transition by myself in the time allotted. i felt weak. i felt small. i felt desperate and my desire turned dark. i felt alone and helpless. i still do feel a bit dark, but there is light in stepping out of that space and realizing that i have never been alone at all along my journey.

there has always been someone — someone i can remember, someone i can call, someone i can sing with, someone i can dream with, someone i can laugh with, someone i can eat with, someone i can give love to, someone i can get love from, someone i can meet randomly (and sometimes never see again)…

of course, i would be overwhelmingly overjoyed to reach this goal to comfortably transition. i would think of a way to carefully thank and show my gratitude to every single human being who contributes, for sure.

these funds would be used to propel me forward, not only with the tangible dollars, but with the fact in mind that there are people out there who understand how much these means to me. that energy is momentous. that energy is infectious. that energy is priceless.

https://www.gofundme.com/tokyotruth

the stars still sparkle despite the mess we’ve made. dust can’t mask the truth. masks can’t hide the truth. beauty is meant to be seen despite the mess we’ve made. we are fickle creatures. we are afraid of the dark. we block the light. there are many reasons we are inferior. we make our fear superior. do we know what is more important than the mess we’ve made?

nursery rhymes 

He told me he was lonely too. 

He told me his heart was torn in two. 

He told me that he lost his crew 

and that happy days are far & few.

His aurora was hypnotic

His mood was dark. 

Our chemistry ignited sparks. 

My eyes were filled with painful lust. 

Equilibrium is a must. 

I fought a battle of temptation. 

Gave in mildly, sought salvation. 

Climbing high to reach new heights. 

Spiritually, not out of spite. 

Reinventing minimizing 

in a world that will despise it. 

Mother Nature needs me strong 

since to the universe I belong. 

I’ll cry, purge and smile whilst 

I leave behind my dark abyss. 

Experimental thrills are done.

My godliness is number one.