mother nature 

june 2017 ::

i came from your pussy –

first one to come from your pussy.

didn’t it hurt when i came from your pussy?

so helpless, all bloody and squishy 

i was screaming and crying.

what a joy ー

you passed me off like a baby doll 

and i am not a toy.

//

you once looked so happy though.

you see, what had happened,

you gave up so quick on ya girl 

i’m not sure if you planned it.

i’m not tripping because 

goddamn girl you so craaazy

and if i was around you more 

i don’t think i’d be this lady.

//

maybe i’d be famished from no love from you. 

Advertisements

tres leches 

overdosed on self control

went to rehab, detox complete

desire’s high, can not tame

an appetite that yearns to crave

outermost masks cool as ice

median enjoys the void

sweet escape in the space between

beyond it all lives the rawest nature

the inner core quakes and beams

when the trinity is magnetized

self control can not be, naturally

best to flow into eruption

best to exhale and release the steam

fermented feels turn insatiable

refuse to let desires rest

when the trinity is magnetized

fear exists in a held breath

expression births realities sought

naive believe fate’s the only god

rewards to self root in declaration

let desire be the cause

 

 

 

i’m not being extra. 

had a beautiful cry 

like i had a blade dragged into me to remove a dormant cancer that was hidden & resting but in great magnitude. 

before this cry, i had a productive day.

i laughed and smiled.

i worked on new projects. 

i saw people who i admire.

i had endorphins flowing through my body.

i had a cry @6A after a bike ride home during a call home to my grandmother. 

it was like blockage was removed and resting pain that existed inside me exited in bulk, in the same vain of my living joy. 

i could see myself screaming as babies do when they become aware of the vast world – life replanting me from my comfort zone to one more visibly boundless.

my grandma laughed and said i’m perfect. 

i’m fine, thanks. 

who knows how to feel?

who knows how to deal?

who is made to kill?

i just reach higher.

permanent resident in the sky.

another motherfucker cannot

tell me how to be.

mother earth is dying.

there is no denying.

why am i not crying?

the spirit and quantum

makes me see higher 

than than my eyes.

i take things day to day.

pray with every breath.

prepare for a reality 

of this world with nothing left. 

i say this all with love.

are you fine?

i’m fine.

17:03

People are everywhere.

I have obligations today. I want to do nothing. I was introduced to a cigarette that I like enough to buy. They’re vegan. I’m vegan. The pack is green. There is a smiley face right where my lips embrace the stick. That’s mood for sure. I quite enjoy the way my skin gets just the right kind of cool after I’m done indulging in the toxic joy. It’s an eery solace.

People are everywhere.

I’m listening to Travis Scott at Ebisu station about to meet up with this guy to check out a photography exhibition. I had a photoshoot early afternoon. Some other plans got altered to manage it all. I missed a friend’s live painting to get the shoot done. The shoot was worth it though. I have a Skype lesson tonight. It’s also my friend’s last night in Tokyo before heading back to Bangkok. Another friend has a DJ set tonight. I’ll probably have to go out and be social. I have 2 dates tomorrow. I don’t want to be obligated to be social. I don’t really want to talk. I don’t even want to engage in non-verbal communication.

People are everywhere.

A really good friend of mine stayed with me for 2 weeks. She shared my small Japanese room with me. We talked about this visit in advance and counted down the days like school girls. The days were presumed to be revolved around her and us. I tried to actualize the sentiment the best I could. She left on this past Monday. The visit was surprisingly draining. I love her. I didn’t love her company as much as I wanted to be able too. My flatmates loved her and vice versa. That relieved me. I did my best to give love and be hospitable still. We have different motions and lifestyles. I haven’t really had time to decompress since she left.

People are everywhere.

I’m grieving. So many people are grieving. Nobody should be allowed to feel removed from what’s going on. These are structural issues. These issues affect foreign politics. These issues affect us all — overtly and/or passively. These killings and unjusts are real. Not some staged reality show that we can gossip and hashtag about. Although, it’s so repetitive & hateful that it seems staged. When in those moments, as the gun is in the face of the hunted, they can assume that the end scene will be their final scene. A fatal ending is the re-run. No more re-runs.