me too 

it was 2008. i was a college freshman and he wanted a part of me that he had entered before. he was my high school boyfriend but it was done – just wanted to be homies. i refused to share my body with him again and he felt that fighting me would make me submit. we fought. i screamed and chased him with a knife out of my apartment. he recently followed me on IG. i immediately blocked that lowlife scum.
it was 2011. i was 21 and madly in love when my forehead was gashed open by my university boyfriend. i bled continuously until he trusted me enough to keep his secret and tell the lie that my injuries and bruises were from me falling off my bike – i walked to piedmont hospital alone which was ironically across the street from my condo which he had been nesting in. when we broke up, he told his family and friends that it was because i cheated on him – a lie to shame me and hide the truth that he was sick. maybe another reason why i moved overseas. my community had been tainted. i still have the scar from the stitches, faded but present. yet, i stopped keeping his secret in 2016 when i moved to tokyo – the unpaid emergency room bill which had been fucking up my credit for 5 years was finally mailed to his parents home with a letter courtesy of my strong grandmother. 
i have many more memories of abuse and assault. it’s fucked up that we can never be truly reconciled for the damage it does and how we must push to undo it. i’m still working through it all, even the seemingly minor transgressions that still happen – just wanna say #metoo. 💗💪🏾


i’m not being extra. 

had a beautiful cry 

like i had a blade dragged into me to remove a dormant cancer that was hidden & resting but in great magnitude. 

before this cry, i had a productive day.

i laughed and smiled.

i worked on new projects. 

i saw people who i admire.

i had endorphins flowing through my body.

i had a cry @6A after a bike ride home during a call home to my grandmother. 

it was like blockage was removed and resting pain that existed inside me exited in bulk, in the same vain of my living joy. 

i could see myself screaming as babies do when they become aware of the vast world – life replanting me from my comfort zone to one more visibly boundless.

my grandma laughed and said i’m perfect. 

may / 

Cooler than a cucumber / Flipped the pillow though / But there’s no need / Hands shaking when you touch there / You keep going / Windows run with water drops / Eyes are the windows to the soul / It’s a sun shower / Might not have noticed / On the other side of those 4 limbs / Haven’t seen you for some time / Was only warming up.
He said I smelled like earth / He asked where I was from / He felt Atlanta or Harlem. 


language is culture

be patient but never wait. being patient means that you don’t have the ability to get anxious. you are collected. you control your own perception of time. you control the presence of agitation. if you are waiting, you are only delaying yourself or being eagerly impatient.

i’m truly getting lived knowledge, which is transforming into wisdom, on the relevance of the difference of the two and what that vital discrepancy means //

one is fear and the other is love +++


sabai dee

it’s strange because it doesn’t feel strange at all. although i couldn’t sleep and didn’t have much of an appetite the preceding days before my arrival, now that i’m back in bangkok, i feel a sense of serenity, excitement, and hunger. i told someone and she said she was jealous.

i hopped on the metro rail link from the airport. there were a few English speaking Thais who were kind enough to try to help me but i knew exactly where i was going. i appreciated this act of kindness because i know that it takes courage to assert yourself in a language that’s not native. i couldn’t help but smile. then, i transferred to the BTS, stood in sweat unbothered, and enjoyed my phone being dead so i could enjoy relying on my instincts for direction and take in my environment. i lugged my 27kg suitcase and backpacks to terminal 21, which is a mall that more than likely houses the BEST thai food court in the world. i went back to the vegetarian stall that i used to frequent and used my eyes to order food that i did indeed forget how to pronounce. i ate it all for the equivalent of $3. fresh vegetables, seasoned perfectly, without the hormones. i told someone and he said he was jealous.

i caught an uber from the mall and it was a seamless experience. i didn’t have to talk, he helped me with my luggage, and he spoke basic english. i even napped in the mazda. a solid 35 minute ride cost me less than $8. i told someone and he said he was jealous.

i arrived at a former student’s house out in the burbs. she’s old enough to be my mom and still calls me “teacher”, even though I haven’t taught her in almost a year. she was at work when my uber arrived. i was greeted by her housekeeper who helped me with my things and had a plate of refreshing watermelon ready for me to devour. i unwound myself and slept for hours, unbothered, to awake to the sounds of tropical birds and roosters. i told someone and she said she was jealous.

so i say all this to say that, it’s damn good to be back in thailand. i know what brought me back but i also, i know that no land is perfect. i can say that i know many people who are discontent and unfulfilled, questioning the motions that they’re going through. why not live like you deserve? why not seek the fulfillment that you’re craving? why not feed your health positively? why not try to create your heaven on earth? it’s more than just geography.

don’t be jealous. just live like you deserve.


nursery rhymes 

He told me he was lonely too. 

He told me his heart was torn in two. 

He told me that he lost his crew 

and that happy days are far & few.

His aurora was hypnotic

His mood was dark. 

Our chemistry ignited sparks. 

My eyes were filled with painful lust. 

Equilibrium is a must. 

I fought a battle of temptation. 

Gave in mildly, sought salvation. 

Climbing high to reach new heights. 

Spiritually, not out of spite. 

Reinventing minimizing 

in a world that will despise it. 

Mother Nature needs me strong 

since to the universe I belong. 

I’ll cry, purge and smile whilst 

I leave behind my dark abyss. 

Experimental thrills are done.

My godliness is number one. 


angkor wat