mother nature 

june 2017 ::

i came from your pussy –

first one to come from your pussy.

didn’t it hurt when i came from your pussy?

so helpless, all bloody and squishy 

i was screaming and crying.

what a joy ー

you passed me off like a baby doll 

and i am not a toy.

//

you once looked so happy though.

you see, what had happened,

you gave up so quick on ya girl 

i’m not sure if you planned it.

i’m not tripping because 

goddamn girl you so craaazy

and if i was around you more 

i don’t think i’d be this lady.

//

maybe i’d be famished from no love from you. 

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tres leches 

overdosed on self control

went to rehab, detox complete

desire’s high, can not tame

an appetite that yearns to crave

outermost masks cool as ice

median enjoys the void

sweet escape in the space between

beyond it all lives the rawest nature

the inner core quakes and beams

when the trinity is magnetized

self control can not be, naturally

best to flow into eruption

best to exhale and release the steam

fermented feels turn insatiable

refuse to let desires rest

when the trinity is magnetized

fear exists in a held breath

expression births realities sought

naive believe fate’s the only god

rewards to self root in declaration

let desire be the cause

 

 

 

i’m not being extra. 

had a beautiful cry 

like i had a blade dragged into me to remove a dormant cancer that was hidden & resting but in great magnitude. 

before this cry, i had a productive day.

i laughed and smiled.

i worked on new projects. 

i saw people who i admire.

i had endorphins flowing through my body.

i had a cry @6A after a bike ride home during a call home to my grandmother. 

it was like blockage was removed and resting pain that existed inside me exited in bulk, in the same vain of my living joy. 

i could see myself screaming as babies do when they become aware of the vast world – life replanting me from my comfort zone to one more visibly boundless.

my grandma laughed and said i’m perfect. 

may / 

Cooler than a cucumber / Flipped the pillow though / But there’s no need / Hands shaking when you touch there / You keep going / Windows run with water drops / Eyes are the windows to the soul / It’s a sun shower / Might not have noticed / On the other side of those 4 limbs / Haven’t seen you for some time / Was only warming up.
///
He said I smelled like earth / He asked where I was from / He felt Atlanta or Harlem. 

ying|yang

I could be a conspiracy theorist.

I could say that all of this ongoing chaos is a part of some sick twisted scheme.

I could say that there are powers at be that smile at the injustices in the world.

I could say that there’s always going to be an antagonist.

I could say that there will always be war to fight and a battle to overcome.

<>

I could say that there will always be love to spread and a future to believe in.

I could say that there’s always going to be a protagonist.

I could say that there are powers in the world that smile at the progressions in the world.

I could say that all of the energy invested in rallying against trends of inequality will help bring about a paradigm shift in the universe.

I could be a dreamer ~

When you love hard, but you’re a gypsy…

April 8, 2015

at 2:16pm, we casually strolled an open sidewalk in a latin suburb southwest of LA. with interlocked hands and synchronized steps. we walked with no destination to slow down time. any onlookers knew we were parting ways. they knew I was passing through. my bags labelled me as an international traveler with ID tags still attached to them from my previous voyage. I had placed my bags in the backseat as we loaded your car to head back to the city. I wanted to make a smooth exit with perspective that cloaked my heart. although, I wasn’t sad, detaching a bit seemed fitting. having my bags next to yours along the ride in the trunk seemed too connected. I hoped you weren’t offended by my shift in emotion on the ride back from our weekend retreat. this retreat had been a magic carpet ride with you and was either having a layover or was ending. I didn’t want to have feelings that I thought were too heavy and intense, yet I couldn’t fight their lingering presence. adjusting myself with these feelings that I had never experienced wasn’t so easy to finesse. in the moment, I knew we’d probably create more memories. it just bothered me that I didn’t know when and how they would come about. you parked, signaling a prerequisite to our final moments. I didn’t know whether to rush inside or to open my body for you again to commemorate the moment with what I’d hope would be more adventure and less awkwardness. or it could have resulted in the complete opposite. should we even commemorate at all? with my bags on my back, we kissed and I might have numbed my feelings to let logic prevail. as I crossed the street to head in, I contemplated. I didn’t want to walk away from you without looking back & making eye contact as my physical drifted away. although it seemed cliche, I wanted you to know that you were worth every second, no matter how simple it may seem. as the path got too narrow and distant, I turned around to wave. it was yet another sentiment for me, and worth the step outside of my comfort zone. once again, I had taken off my cool for you. I would go inside my cousins’ house to find it empty. my memories with you were enough to fill the room and more, but still I thought to call you, stop you before you got too far away, and invite you in to create more moments and extend time more with me. in this moment, it was the thought that counted. even after days together with laughter to tighten abdominals and sex to burn the fat, I wanted more. I liked the fact that I missed you and longed to create more priceless moments with you. my desire to give you more of me, have more of you & more of us aroused me and inspired me. it also gave me an abundance of serenity, humility, and gratitude, knowing that our connection is exactly what I had been longing for. hours later, you would message me. “come on and let me in, I’m callin'” — a lyric. it was like an omen… a song that made you think of me, as I’m thinking of you and my invitation(s).

EXPERIENCE

He said he would be her diary
They were never friends
It was always complicated
She didn’t want to see it
He was always bitter
He knew he couldn’t keep her
He was jealous of the world
For that’s who she belonged to
He couldn’t match the stimulus
He couldn’t compete
He tried to make her despise it
He tried to confine her desires
He tried to end her curiosity
He tried to be her everything
He tried to be her home
He tried to be her world
He couldn’t fight the truth
She outgrew the home he made
He said he loved her
He said he wasn’t bitter
He said he was her friend
She wrote him everyday
He never replied
The pain of sharing her was heavy
He wanted her to fill his void
She wanted to show him love
She wanted to show him light
She wrote to him everyday
She wrote for him everyday
She wanted to share her world
She wanted him to be her friend
He never was her friend
He never knew how to love her
He only knew how to use her
She didn’t mind being used
She had so much to give
He didn’t want it on her terms
He didn’t want to wait
He didn’t want to love her
He only wanted to consume
She doesn’t write to him anymore
She doesn’t write for him anymore
She writes for herself
She writes for her world