mind games 

I’m still learning how to time travel gracefully. sometimes I’m able to do it with finesse — addressing things that happened in the past with clarity, live in the moment and appreciate what is, focus on the future and declare what is becoming. 

then, randomly, something will happen and me being human, I fall victim to anxiety and doubt; although it’s temporary, it happens. even in these moments, I know this troublesome feeling is fleeting, but I still force myself to experience it. I have crude thoughts and even laugh about them in the midst. I kind of find of sick pleasure in exploring the worst case scenario and entertaining the slippery slope. my mind is powerful enough to take the trip and find it strangely entertaining. I cry and laugh about it in a cynical therapy that somehow uplifts me into realizing how fucking hilarious feelings are. that doesn’t make them invalid or irrelevant. they’re just reminders. what they remind you of is dependent upon your mind. 

luckily, my mind uses feelings in an analytical way to be reminded what my weaknesses are and what I’m most passionate about, in order to grow. my moments of darkness don’t frighten me. I live in them for the moment to experience and be reminded that I’m brave, fearless, and can conquer & dominate at will.