Here’s a place I haven’t been in a while. My mind’s been busy trying to strategize the path I’ll take to get out of Thailand. Thailand is an interesting place. It’s a contradiction just like so many other things and places in this world, but there’s definitely an astonishing amount of beauty to be appreciated here. I just know it’s not a place I could really call “home” for an extended period of time. It’s kind of boring to be quite frank and not really that progressive. Plus I miss seasons, conversations with strangers, diverse cuisines being the norm, and living in a baht currency is cool for Thailand but I can’t really take that money elsewhere. So, I basically want more and I don’t think I’m wrong for seeking it.
I wanted to go through checks and balances with an outsider someone who wouldn’t say anything just to please me and could give me a perspective I might not have considered. I was basically told that there are zero degrees of separation and it’s best to cast your bucket where you are, versus chasing ideals. They think it’s best to work with what you have and that if I go somewhere else it’ll be a new place with the same shit. I dig that but I don’t think this perspective is exactly applicable to my situation. I’m wanting to leave Thailand not because I’m chasing ideals. Yea, I want seasons and whatnot but I was willing to give those things up when I left the U.S. I’m learning more about myself and what I want and now after 1 year+ in Thailand I’ve gained SO much clarity about a heap of things. I want to leave Thailand because I need to feel challenged and can’t settle for the first country overseas that I’ve visited for an extended period of time. I can only compare it to life in the states. I must keep exploring and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone to maximize my lifetime. I’m not expecting my next stop to be “home sweet home” or a paradise, but I’m not just going to stay put and kill time in Thailand.
Sure, life in Thailand is easy. I have a decent job. I’m great at it. It’s not a complete pain in the ass. I have a kickass band but really outside of the band, I have no link to Bangkok – nothing’s keeping me here. No family, no friends, no contract, no love, nothing. My acquaintance argued that if I maintain this perspective then I’ll end up living the gypsy life forever. Haha can’t say I’d have a problem with that. I’m sure I’ll settle down or whatever they call it when it’s my time to though.
I guess for me, progression, exploration, intimacy and self expression are really my only necessities in life. Yea. I’m 24. Desires may change, but truthfully, I can’t live in fear like that. The fear that one day my wants may change. The fear that my next stop won’t be spectacular. The fear of leaving Bangkok because then I would never know the true potential of our band. I can’t live bound like that. Not when it’s not my personal choice. All I know is 2014 Brittany wants more and has a vividly clear vision what she wants for herself which can reflect who I am as a person. Of course, life is unpredictable but it’s a journey to appreciate and one that I won’t take for granted. No expectations on this ride but I’m living to thrive and that can’t be done if I don’t trust myself. It’s a logical decision intertwined with my passion for life.
So, where next? Melbourne.
Fuck off and/or wish me the best. 😛