It is Monday, 11:16AM.

I woke up in a bit of a melancholy mood today. Borderline sad, I’d say. In this moment, I feel lonely. I enjoy being alone and I wish that I had a person of choice to spend time with also. I used to be hellbent on being 1000% satisfied with being alone. I thought desiring company of other people made me weak, like I was trying to fill a void. What I’ve realized is that settling for the company of anyone, especially of those whose energy is detrimental to yours, equates to wanting to fill a void. I’m simply hoping for company whose energy complements mine. I deleted my online profile, so now I have to find other avenues to meet like-minded people. I tried this over the weekend. Usually what happens is, I go out, doing my own thing. No expectations but in a friendly mood. Drunk guys approach me, usually incoherent either because their accents are too thick and they don’t annunciate their words, or because the alcohol has diminished their speech to gibberish. Gibberish in the sense that its incomprehensible and/or its a bunch of nothing; therefore, I have no desire to process any of the fluff that comes out of their mouth. Anywho… Then, one will be bold enough to sit with me. He’ll ask where I’m from. I’ll answer. He’ll ramble about himself. None of which I’ll catch. He’ll light up a square, blowing cigarette smoke every which way. I’ll cordially express my discomfort and plan an escape route in my mind before he can ask me how long I’ve been in Bangkok. Second stop. Here, I’ll be greeted by live music and older men, who can carry a conversation but also haven’t been given much attention by any PYTs in decades or more, so their breathing is accelerated. I’ll take the pros with the cons at this point of the evening, at least I can have an almost meaningful conversation. I’ll notice eyes on me from everywhere. I’m the black sheep. Haa. At this point, the older men are shielding me from nonsensical men, so I’ll enjoy their company in the moment until one gets too pushy and begins to sell himself to me, as if I’m interested in his stock. Then, I will express my disinterest and give him a while to attempt to adjust himself, which he will neglect to do. I’ll excuse myself to the restroom, return and sit in the seat at their table closest the exit, and politely introduce the group to the fact that I have to head out. Collect business cards that will probably later become gum wrappers, shakes hands, walks away, flags taxi, eats indian food. The end.

Nights like these are why I only voluntarily partake in the nightlife when our band has a show. I don’t think there’s an alcohol or a strain of marijuana that could shield me from above depicted annoyance. But its all good. That’s the most of my problems at this point. Thou shall be optimistic. My kind of people are out here somewhere…

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2 thoughts on “It is Monday, 11:16AM.

  1. They have plentyyyy of cats in thailand, amongst other kinds of domestic and exotic creatures. They actually sell them in the markets. I thought about a kitten but the poor guy would have to be declawed and thats animal cruelty but its so i’d get my security deposit back. I can’t have that act on my conscience. Lol

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