sweet & sour sauce

I’ve taken in a lot lately without any written reflection. Life’s certainly not shy of being eventful. I bought a wig for the thrill. It’ll come in handy when I visit home for the holidays + its fun to wear to our shows and snatch off unexpectedly — especially when there are people there who haven’t seen our band before; they actually think its from my scalp. Getting jiggy with my Asian bob. I blend right in. Ha. But in other news… I had an online dating profile for a while. It was like Russian Roulette style dating. I had a date everyday. Sometimes two in one. None of which I was expecting a relationship out of or anything more than a possible friendship. 2 out of I can’t remember how many I still communicate with and in addition to those 2 gentlemen, I had a boyfriend for a while. Chinese Canadian. Must be something about the urban community in Toronto though because he was a bit hood, but poised of course. I called him “A$VP Lo Mein”. Haa. Met him on Valentine’s Day, coincidentally. He granted my simple birthday wishes — good company and indian food — and then some. He was beautiful, physically. I think my grandmother’s strong desire for Asian great-grandchildren has incited this strong attraction to Asian men. Lawdamercyyy. They do have beautiful bone structure though. haha. Anywho, things ended before I could really bear witness to his other layers of beauty. In his words, “things are perfect; we agree on everything; we’re so much alike.” True. We even had the same quirky ass clusterphobia (google it), same music tastes, same temperament, same interests. We truly clicked from day one. I’ll admit. Although there was a strong attraction, the fire wasn’t scorching hot but I’ve been burned before so I’d rather things be cool. I suppose maybe some people prefer intensity, the roller-coaster, the break up to make ups, and the extremes. It didn’t exactly make sense to me. I’ve been hesitant to mention that this was his first meaningful adult relationship. He had experimented with drugs for years which became an addiction that he ended last September. I was bothered because I knew there was more to the “we’re too alike” story. I think his past addiction has altered him in a way that he didn’t feel comfortable discussing with me so he felt it’d be best to distant himself. He once told me that he was having to process feelings that he never processed sober and that his dopamine kick was beginning to be supplied by me. Needless to say, I spent some time processing the relationship and the break up to provide myself with some sort of clarity. Wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Plus, I’ve never been broken up with. Haha first time for everything nowadays. I’ll humbly conclude that my awesomeness scared him away. I’m such a lady that he didn’t even know what to do with my kind. hehe. Not gonna front. I miss the bonding and cuddling, for sure, but with every loss there’s a gain. I’m just surprised that 2 people from 2 different ethnicities could meet in a foreign country via the internet and have so many similarities. I was content on being single for much longer than that, so I’m happy that I met someone dateable. Not dateable in the “Oh, I’m in a foreign country so I must lower my standards because options are limited” way. I would’ve dated him anywhere. Things always get better with time so if that ordeal was a prequel of the possibilities then I’ll certainly be pleased, in some respects. No expectations though. I can peacefully continue to enjoy waking up to a wiser version of myself everyday. Solo or not. Life is good.


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