finding emo.

“Generally speaking”, I am a detached person. Not because I find people dispensable, although I’m sure there might be a few people who would like to say so. Its because I find little significance in the majority of my interactions with people. Most people are quite comfortable with “small talk”, while I find it rather boring and remedial. When I ask someone “How are you?”, I literally mean those words. I genuinely want to know. I don’t like masks. I don’t like pretending. Some people might say I’m intense. I’m not saying that every conversation needs to me philosophical and deep. I just want to live in a world where its okay to be angry every once in a while, or be sad, disappointed, or lonely & openly express those feelings respectfully. I find living a segmented life to be quite draining. I believe that all humans would agree that emotions are generally universal. Details always vary but we tend to all feel the same things. Of course, I’m not suggesting that anyone have a pissy attitude or project frustration onto other people. I just believe in a buddy system. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed but unable to vent to anyone because they’re too caught up in the matrix to keep it 100%. They’ll just go on telling each other what they think people want to hear.

My dream world:

Random neighbor at corner store: “Hey miss. How are you doing today?”

miss: “Eh. Feeling kinda funky today. I’ve been longing for love lately and it’s got me feeling a little down. I’m trying to stay focused though.”

neighbor: “Oh, I know how you feel. Life doesn’t always make sense to your heart, huh? It’s okay to feel down though. Just know its only temporary so stay focused on what makes sense. And if your so-called friends think getting drunk at the club is the solution tell them to get real.”

miss: “Haha. Yes, getting drunk at the club only perpetuates the void I’m feeling. Good thing we don’t live in a world where you can’t touch on your innermost feelings without being labeled as abnormal, right?”

*end dramatized scene*

And no, I’m not a pessimist & I don’t suffer from depression. As a matter a fact, it pains me even more that so many people think its healthy to not feel anything. Of course, suicidal thoughts are very unpleasant, but can you blame someone for preferring to be somewhere in the fantasized after life than hear on Earth. Its really not that irrational. I’m ambitious so I would never take it to that extreme but I can empathize with the emotion.

And yes, the power of the mind is very real. I support that philosophy completely. A positive outlook is powerful but a positive outlook can’t exist without the presence of a “not so positive” one, so cut the crap World. Let’s be real, please. A huge piece of me would feel liberated if we could just cut the fat and be ourselves. For Christ’s sake, isn’t that what growth is all about anyway?

(or maybe they are being themselves….)


4 thoughts on “finding emo.

  1. oh i love this. small talk, drunk talk, and worse kardashian talk are the universal college languages that i’ve had to endure the past 5 years. Lord willing i’ll be liberated soon 🙂

  2. Okay, so don’t think I’m strange. Well… you can if it suits you, but after reading this post I must say it’s as though I wrote it myself. In fact, I’m sure of it. It’s so rare to come across another person that feels this way. What it takes to find such a friend is so exhausting that if you do happen upon one it’s most always on accident. (In my case they just don’t live close enough to hang out with.) I have been reading your blog on and off all day today, maybe as a way to catch up with you. If we ever were to meet in person, I think my head might explode from how much we have in common. And even with all that I imagine we wouldn’t say much, just vibe, content with knowing that the other exists.

    1. Watch out Miss Hodge. You’re speaking of something that sounds like soulmate vibes. Lol but i’m okay with that. Melvin already ragged on me for my girl crush. Hahaa anyway, i’m in this exact same scenario now. All the people i have truly connected with most certainly do not live close enough to hang out with, but now i appreciate the connections i’ve made and maintained even more, no matter the distance. Lets definitely keep in touch! xx

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